Friday, October 26, 2007

Frankenhooker

     This twisted tale of sluts and bolts begins when Jeffery Franken's girlfriend Elizabeth gets accidentally shredded by a runaway lawnmower. Left with only a few pieces of his dismembered fiance', Jeffery tries to figure out how to put her back together again. Since there is so very little left of his beloved, he decides that he needs some fresh parts to make her whole again, and since he considers himself to be a bio-electro-genius, he's convinced that he's just the man to do it. 

     To find new parts, Jeffrey takes to the streets of New York looking for prostitutes, his rationale being that these are ladies who are more than willing to sell their parts (yeah, but not to be cut off and sewn together with other dead hookers!). 

     Anyway, since all these prostitutes care about is crack, he sets out to make a lethal form of super crack to kill the prostitute who has the best "parts". Unfortunately, they discover his bag full of super crack that's intended only for the "winner" and they gleefully have a party with it, but an unexpected side effect of smoking this super crack is that it causes all the hookers to explode into bits and pieces. Now that Jeffrey has all the parts he could possibly want, he bags them all up, takes them home, and sets out to restore Elizabeth. He patches her up with random prostitute parts, loads her onto a table, and raises the table to the sky to attract lightning, completely "Frankenstyle". 

      The experiment is a success, Elizabeth is alive, and the only hitch (aside from looking like a patchwork corpse quilt) is that she now thinks she's a hooker too. Which makes sense since she's now about 89% prostitute. Jeffrey tries to track his girlfriend down in different seedy motels that she now frequents, all the while Elizabeth is literally shocking her customers to death left and right because she's been brought to life using electricity. There's also a very pissed-off pimp named Zorro that is currently tracking her down since most of her is considered his property. This is a hilarious movie with loads of enjoyable quirks. Oh yeah, and almost everything in this movie is purple, I'm not sure why.

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