Tuesday, April 21, 2009

The Deadly Spawn

     This is a great monster movie from the early '80s, my favorite kind! Two campers see a meteorite fall to the earth, when they go inspect it, they encounter a giant eating machine of an alien with multiple heads and literally thousands of teeth. 

      The creature moves into town and hides in someone's basement. People start disappearing left and right. A tea party is subsequently attacked by what looks like a baby spawn, which bears a striking resemblance to the "Killer Condom". Sort of like tadpoles on steroids with nothing but rows and rows of razor-sharp teeth. 

      A few teenagers figure out that they better kill the parent creature before it makes enough spawn to devour the whole planet. One of the teens is really into magic shows and puts a huge amount of flash powder in a dummy head and dangles it in front of the creature, who is hesitant at first but finally gives in and takes a great big bite. Then suddenly... boom! The creature splatters everywhere. All seems well with the world again. That is until the end when you see a HUGE spawn emerge from a mountain, smile and bear literally millions of little teeth.  

     This is a typical alien creature flick from the good old 1980s that rides the line between horror and comedy.  A lot of times in these types of movies the comedy is unintentional but this one doesn't apologize for some of the more absurd scenes and never really takes itself too seriously.  The creature effects are actually quite good when you realize how simple they were to pull off.  Sometimes simply painted silicone really is a horror movie maker's best friend.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

The Alien Dead

     Even though I knew this movie was gonna be crap, the title was very catchy since I love both alien and zombie movies, and I decided that it was definitely worth a try. I was wrong.

     The story begins with an alligator poacher whose wife is killed by what he claims to be "monsters" in the swamp. While on a late-night walk, the mangled corpse of the wife is found by the sheriff. Even after this gruesome find, the sheriff still doesn't buy this story about monsters in the swamp. So the next day, the sheriff and a reporter scout the swamps and encounter strange human-like creatures that eat human flesh and somehow survive under the water. In total denial, they're convinced it's some kind of rabid alligator responsible for this murderous mayhem. A bounty is put on the alligator and tons of people trying to make a quick buck by catching a murderous gator, end up facing their own massacre by the "swamp zombies". 

      Soon a story emerges about a "falling star" that landed in the swamps. Another story emerges with a more detailed account... apparently, the "falling star" is not a spaceship as one might assume from the title, but rather a meteorite that crashed into a houseboat full of people. The effects of the meteor revive the mutilated bodies that it just crashed into, turning them into blood-thirsty zombies. The zombies also have that cliche aspect about them that if a zombie bites you, you become a zombie yourself, which George Romero originally conceived in Night of the Living Dead and has been ripped off ever since. Therefore, before long (or at least an hour into the film), there's an army of zombies and about three survivors. The remaining survivors hole up in a cabin, again much like Night of the Living Dead. Are there gonna be any survivors? It's always mandatory that there be at least one. 

      Nice concept, very misleading title, but just too damn talky, with not nearly enough blood splatter.  Even the poster for the movie itself is a ripoff.  The woman's face on the cover is from a completely different horror movie that's been tinted purple and placed in front of a swamp.  Not really worth it, but the cover art, ripoff that it is, still managed to suck me in.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

The Amityville Horror

     This is a big one so hold onto your computer! There are so many facets to this story, it's ridiculous. 

     Since this is a website about films, let's start with the 1979 movie starring Margot Kidder and James Brolin. George and Kathy Lutz think they have found the perfect home for their family, only to find out that a year earlier, a guy murdered his parents and his four brothers and sisters in the house because demonic voices told him to do it. Pretty soon, the Lutz family starts having some seriously creepy events happening in their newly acquired home. George starts getting sicker and meaner by the day. He also is obsessed with the fireplace and chopping wood and develops an unnerving affection for his ax. Their parish priest comes to bless the house and is told by "the voices" to "GET OUT!!!!". Following this event, the priest becomes violently ill and eventually goes blind. The Lutz family endures all sorts of phenomena in the house... money disappears, the toilets flood with black slime, the door gets ripped off its hinges, a marching band that only George can hear, their daughter befriends a demonic pig named "Jody", Kathy breaks out in blisters after touching a cross, blood oozes from the walls, a swarm of flies at the wrong time of year, etc. Finally, after 28 days, the Lutz family can't take anymore and run for their lives. Although in reality, they did return the next day to have a garage sale. 

      Now here's where it gets tricky. This movie is based on a book by Jay Anson, coauthored by the real George and Kathy Lutz. After buying the house, with a sky-high mortgage, that George and Kathy cannot possibly afford, they along with author Jay Anson, concocted an "out of this world" story to justify leaving the house, and conveniently use the true events of what happened in the house prior to their purchasing it as the reason for the supposed hauntings. 

     As I said, there was a guy that actually did kill his whole family in the house, but it wasn't demonic voices driving him that night, it was greed and lots and lots of drugs. Ronald "Butch" DeFeo Jr was an unhappy camper. He fought with his family a lot, mostly with his abusive father. The family had quite a bit of money and Butch needed some cash to fuel his drug habit. Killing his parents would unleash the inheritance, but he would have to share it with the four brothers and sisters... Marc, John, Allison, and Dawn. Ronnie didn't want to share, so he killed them too. All were shot with a rifle in the dead of night (pardon the pun). Ronald DeFeo tried to make up a story about how he came home and they were already dead, possibly all killed as part of a mob hit. It didn't work and Butch was put in prison for the rest of his life. 

      Now, there are lots of rumors surrounding the house. It was supposedly built on an Indian burial ground, it was also supposed to be the home of a man named John Ketchum who was expelled from Salem for being a witch. There was also a story about how the Native Americans used the area as an exposure pen for the diseased and insane who were left there to die. All of which is complete bullshit. Butch's lawyer was also in on the game of ghost storytelling, thinking that he might actually be able to convince the jury that Butch was innocent because he was under the influence of demonic possession... it didn't work but gave rise to one of the best (albeit fake) ghost stories ever told. 

      Kathy Lutz passed away some years ago, and on her death bed, she admitted that the story was false and concocted over several bottles of wine, but George Lutz proclaimed it to be the truth until his dying day.  But he did manage to make a living off of his story so why tell the truth when a lie can make you so much more money? When investigated, by fact checkers, not paranormal researchers, the entire story has more holes than Swiss cheese. The priest in the story could never be found.  Small inconsistencies discovered in the book would be conveniently changed to match the events they'd already described, etc. The Lutz family had three children.  Two have managed to achieve anonymity, but the oldest son decided to cash in on the franchise, but only after years of poverty and drug abuse.

      After the Lutz family left, three different families have since lived in the house and all three families have said that it was a beautiful house with absolutely no supernatural phenomena whatsoever. In fact, one of the families actually sued Jay Anson, author of "The Amityville Horror" and George and Kathy Lutz, stating that their fictitious story has caused them to have a complete loss of privacy because of thrill-seekers, ghost hunters, and the obnoxiously curious. The town of Amityville even had the address of the house changed and the eerie eye-shaped windows of the house were remodeled to look like a different home entirely. The case was settled out of court for an undisclosed sum, but that still hasn't stopped people from loitering outside, peering in the windows, and basically doing anything to disturb the privacy of anyone living in what is supposedly one of the most haunted houses in the world.  It went up for sale a few years back to a man who was gonna charge money for tours of the house and the town of Amityville vowed to sue him so the deal fell through.

     Truth is, this is a great ghost story.  Easily believable due to the absolutely horrific events that really did occur there.  Six family members were all murdered in their sleep by one of their own, which is pretty gruesome actually. One story that keeps coming up to support the paranormal aspect was that all members of the family appear to have been shot in the back while asleep and not one of them was woken up by the loud blasts of the shotgun, even though tests revealed that no one had been drugged.  A popular theory is that Butch DeFeo didn't act alone and that the oldest daughter Dawn was his partner in crime.  She and Butch were apparently tight so perhaps she told the others to lie face down while Butch shot them.  Then once they reached the top of the house and everyone else was dead, Butch decided that Dawn didn't deserve any inheritance either and double-crossed her.  She was the only one not lying on her back when shot and her bed had been the only one that was mysteriously wiped of prints.  She was very much into drugs too and it's not a far leap to think that she may have had a hand in the entire affair.  

     A sequel to the original 1979 movie was made that focused on the DeFeo story (for at least the first half of the movie, the other half was an Exorcist ripoff with Butch becoming fullout possessed) and implied that Butch and Dawn had an incestuous relationship but that's all conjecture and has never been proven one way or another. It was the first of literally a dozen more sequels, rivaling only the Friday the 13th franchise in its abundance. 

     A remake of the 1979 film came out in 2005, using more of the DeFeo story than the original. Only this time, "Jody" was the youngest of the DeFeo children. It might have made more sense than a demonic pig, but alas there actually was no Jody DeFeo. The youngest daughter was named Allison. The remake was ok, but performed rather poorly and the best thing I can say about it is that Ryan Reynolds made for a much sexier version of George Lutz and remained shirtless for the majority of the film.

Friday, April 3, 2009

The Blob

     This is a great stereotypical 50's cult flick. The Blob also takes the credit for having introduced Steve McQueen to the world as an actor and Burt Bacharach to the world as a composer, and even though the movie is 98% crap, we have at least those two things to be thankful for. 

      The story is quite simple. A "falling star" crashes near a small town. When investigated by an old man, a meteor is found, which cracks open, revealing an unidentifiable blob of goo. When the old man gets too close, the blob adheres to his arm and won't let go. He goes screaming into the street, where he's almost run over by a young couple in an automobile. They take him to the doctor, where the blob finishes off the old man and moves on to the doctor and his nurse. Every time the Blob consumes something (or someone) it grows bigger and bigger. It grows huge when it ambushes a bunch of teenagers in a movie theater. The young couple from earlier in the film (Steve McQueen and his female costar that hasn't done much since, and when you see her acting, you know why) are trapped inside a diner. 

      When blasted with fire extinguishers, the Blob retreats. They figure out that the blob hates cold. Everyone is asked to bring their fire extinguishers into town so that this gooey enemy can be subdued. Once the blob is frozen, it's shipped Federal Express to the North Pole where it will never thaw out and become a problem ever again. I guess they didn't take global warming seriously back then. Too bad because this would be an ironically perfect opportunity for a sequel these days.

     A pretty decent remake was made in 1988, starring Kevin Dillon in one of his first major roles after surpassing his older brother Matt Dillon as a sex symbol.  It also starred the gorgeous Shawnee Smith, who was no doubt the subject of many teenage crushes and actually made several good movies, even though unfortunately most people today only know her from a bit part in the first Saw movie.