Saturday, November 15, 2008

The Return of the Living Dead

     This is one of my favorite zombie movies ever! Its rotting arms came crawling out of the grave in the late 80s with intensity and surprising originality. This film has absolutely no affiliation with George Romero or his legacy of zombie films (Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead, Day of the Dead, and Land of the Dead). George Romero was informed about it, and asked to be a part of it, but declined, telling its makers that they could use his original movie Night of the Living Dead as a storyline springboard but that was all they were given permission to do, so some major things needed to be changed, but how?  To keep from stepping on George Romero's toes, the idea and the execution of such were radically changed and some view this new interpretation to be much more sinister and scary. To name just a few of the changes: unlike Romero's films, which explained that the brain of the ghoul must be destroyed in order to kill it. In Return of the Living Dead, there is absolutely no way to kill the zombies, only reducing the body to complete ashes proved successful in getting rid of it. In other words, you could chop up a zombie into several pieces, but the pieces will still come after you!  No brain destruction was gonna work here. Also, Romero's zombies were very slow and unsteady. In contrast, these new zombies can actually run and are strong! So add almost complete indestructibility and not being capable of outrunning them, and the result becomes far more frightening!

     The story starts with two employees named Frank and Freddie who work at a medical supply warehouse. Freddie (the trainee) asks Frank what was the weirdest thing he ever saw at the warehouse. Frank explains that in the '60s, several canisters that were intended for a military destination were accidentally sent to the warehouse by mistake and are now residing in the warehouse basement. As Frank explains, the army was developing a chemical substance called Trioxin to spray on marijuana fields or something, and the substance accidentally leaked down into the morgue and made the corpses move around as though they were alive. The army put the corpses in airtight canisters and then accidentally sent them to the wrong place. Why the army wasn't notified of this mistake is anyone's guess, and therefore the canisters have remained at the warehouse ever since. Frank tells Freddie that this is what the original Night of the Living Dead movie was based on, but that its maker (George Romero) was threatened that if he told the actual story of what happened that he would be sued, so he changed all the facts around. Frank and Freddie go down to the basement to check them out, but after bumping into a canister, it cracks and spews chemical gas right into their faces, knocking them unconscious. While unconscious, the gas slips into the ventilation system and brings many dead biological samples back to life, including everything from butterfly displays to ballistics cadavers. 

      Not knowing what else to do after such an intense fuckup, they decide to call Burt, the owner of the warehouse. After some serious bitching about them doing something so completely stupid, he decides that they must destroy all the evidence around the warehouse and keep their traps shut. Burt's friend Ernie (they were named Burt and Ernie on purpose) runs the crematorium across the street. They convince Ernie to let them use his crematorium to get rid of the evidence. He reluctantly agrees. When the smoke from the burning bodies rises up from the chimney, it carries the chemical with it, mixes with a bad storm coming, and produces acid rain that drenches the local cemetery making hundreds of corpses come alive and slither forth from their graves with only one thing on their decaying minds... live brains. 

      A punk rock group of Freddie's friends that are waiting for him to get off work are hanging out in the cemetery across the street from the warehouse to pass the time and are therefore at ground zero when the shit hits the fan. They freak out and try to find Freddie at the warehouse, but have no luck since he's at the crematorium. Instead, they come face to face with a slimy corpse that has obviously just recently emerged from the canister that Frank and Freddie accidentally cracked open. It grabs one of the punks and bites a hole in his head, exclaiming with glee and joy..."BRAINS!" Another freakout ensues and they flee for their lives.

     Eventually, most of them end up boarding themselves into the embalming room where Frank and Freddie are getting really sick, as well as a very stressed-out Burt and Ernie. Swarms of zombies start gathering outside and every attempt by the police and EMTs to help out ends up failing due to being attacked and eaten by zombies before even being able to make it into the building.

      After realizing that Frank and Freddie are not breathing and have no pulse, yet are still very much functional and conscious, it's assumed that they are slowly becoming one of the zombies that are now roaming outside in search of some tasty fresh brains and so the group decides that it's best that they be locked in the chapel for safekeeping. 

      Wanting desperately to figure out what the hell is going on, they capture a zombie (well, the upper half of a zombie) and are surprised to find out that they can hear and also speak. When asked why they eat brains, the zombie explains that it hurts to be dead and that they can feel themselves rotting, and for some unexplained reason eating live brains are the only thing that relieves the pain. 

      After several unsuccessful attempts to escape and the police blockades being overrun, the remaining few survivors see a phone number stenciled on the side of the canister that housed the original Mr. Green and Slimy from the cracked canister. They call the number, and it turns out to be the military who explain that they have been waiting for this call for some time and have a plan devised to deal with it. Unfortunately, the plan is to nuke the entire area (in this case, the entire city of Louisville, Kentucky) thus leaving no margin for the survival of anything. Just before the nuke, we see Frank, who is now among the living dead but has not yet been overcome with a taste for human brain consumption. He commits suicide by throwing himself into the crematorium. This again releases the Trioxin into the atmosphere, turning storm clouds into acid rain and thus starting the cycle all over again. 

    A really great zombie flick with just the right amount of shock, gore, and even some rather unexpected comical scenes. A must-see for any zombie fan that needed something new added to the genre to make it even more scary than any previous zombie flick that came before it.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Children of the Corn

     Children of the Corn was originally a short story in Stephen King's book Night Shift. Many movies have been based on King's novels and short stories, some were really good but many of them completely sucked. This one I hold as an exception. It's very well made. It has a great idea, a good plot, decent acting, and a really creepy religious atmosphere that Stephen King has often employed in many of his books and films. Plus, the idea of killer children always adds an extra unsettling layer of horror to any story.  

     Anyway, the story starts off with a hell of a massacre in a little coffee shop in the rinky-dink town of Gatlin, Nebraska. As a creepy child preacher watches through the window all of the children suddenly employ everything from knives to poison in killing all the adults in the whole place. A young boy named Jobe witnesses the massacre, yet is left alive. This happened everywhere in Gatlin that day. All the adults have been slaughtered by the town children under the commandment of the boy preacher named Issac. Isaac has been given what he believes to be direct orders from God himself, by name referred to here as "He Who Walks Behind the Rows". A sentence from the Bible that reads "And a child shall lead them" is one of the supporting ideas for convincing all of the children that adults should not be allowed to live. 

     After all the adults are killed off, the children form their own society complete with hierarchy and often gather in the cornfield with pitchforks and scythes (chanting "Kill Kill Kill") as they listen to Isaac's preaching and obey every word he says. On the day of the slaughter, Jobe's sister Sarah suddenly acquires a talent for precognition (she sees the future) and often draws pictures that are basically scenes that are soon to happen. 

      Three years later, Burt and Vicky, a couple traveling through Nebraska get lost amongst its bland back roads that are flanked by nothing but cornfields as far as the eye can see. Suddenly a child stumbles into the middle of the road, and because Vicky and Burt are looking at a map trying to figure out where they are, they don't see him. They hit him at full speed and his bloody mangled body tumbles under the car and comes to rest in the middle of the road. Burt is a doctor and while examining the boy's body, he notices that his throat has been deliberately slit and was probably already dead when he stumbled out onto the road. They put his body in the trunk and go in search of help. By the way, the boy presumably killed on the road (Joseph) was actually murdered shortly before by Malachai, who is sort of the enforcer among the child cult, answering directly to Isaac. Joseph was murdered because he didn't agree with Isaacs's rules and teachings and tried to flee and get help. After Joseph's death, Isaac preaches that "Joseph has fled this happy place because the worship of me is no more upon him, so take you his life and spill his blood, but let not the flesh pollute the corn. Cast him instead upon the road. And so it was done, Joseph the betrayer was cast out". 

      While trying desperately to find a town, so that they can report Joseph's murder, Burt and Vicky get lost and end up in the barren town of Gatlin, Nebraska. They soon realize that it's a ghost town with the exception of a few mysterious children running around. Because Sarah has the "gift of sight" she is coveted and protected by Isaac, even though she and her brother Jobe are often caught playing which is evidently a big no-no among satanic child cults. "God" has given Isaac the vision that outlanders are to come soon and that these outlanders will be unbelievers and profaners of the holy and must be sacrificed as an offering to please "He Who Walks Behind the Rows". Isaac's vision is confirmed by Sarah's drawing of a car on the road headed toward town. 

      Burt and Vicky start realizing that this town is definitely strange, but do not yet realize how much danger they're really in. Burt goes to the town hall to look around. He notices biblical graffiti everywhere as well as some disturbingly vandalized religious pictures. While Burt is checking out the town hall, Vicky is accosted by the children, dragged to the cornfield, and tied to a cross in a crucified position. 

      Since no adults are to be allowed to live, they must offer themselves to "The Lord" on the first day of their 19th year. When a child named Amos turns 19 and has to "leave", Isaac is told that this is the opportune time to offer the blood of the unbelievers (Burt and Vicky). Malachai eventually gets sick of worshipping Isaac and decides that he can deal with the god of hell all on his own. He demands that the children remove Vicky from the cross and put Isaac in her place, then using Vicky as bait, they lure Burt into the cornfield. He fights with Malachai and frees Vicky from the children's grasp as He Who Walks Behind the Rows comes forth as a thundering red cloud presumably to take Amos. Isaac is then taken instead and comes back possessed, and kills Malachai by breaking his neck with his bare hands. 

      Burt, Vicky, Sarah, and Jobe (who have all sorta bonded by this time because Sarah and Jobe hate having to worship a prick like Isaac) hide in a nearby barn. The rest of the children follow. I guess after seeing so much death and how Isaac was so easily betrayed, they figure that this whole murderous cult thing is no longer for them. The wind rises and billows of flaming clouds fill the sky, "The Lord" is evidently coming forth to take everyone because he's pissed that the sacrifice of the outlanders didn't occur and that the children have seen the truth in that they were deceived by a false god feeding his appetite on the blood of sacrifice. 

      Before his slaughter, an adult policeman tried to defeat the monster but was killed before he could execute his plan. Jobe tells of a passage from the Bible that the policeman was reading shortly before his murder... "And the devil that deceived them was cast into the lake of fire and brimstone and shall be tormented there day and night forever and ever". Jobe also tells that the officer was working with the gasohol still when he was killed by Malachai. Burt makes the connection between the Bible passage and the gasohol... fire! The police officer was gonna burn the field. Burt then painstakingly hooks the gasohol tank to the cornfield sprinkler system which drenches the field in the highly flammable substance. A bottle with a burning rag is thrown into the field and quickly burns it down. Eventually, the fire makes it to where the demon is, and a dazzling performance of his demise is seen, done with rather cheap yet effective practical special effects. 

      Burt, Vicky, Sarah, and Jobe, make it back to their car which has been vandalized with corn, much like everything else in this creepy little town. Mangled, exhausted, and downright pooped, they have no choice but to try and walk to the nearest town, one that's not so dramatic and hopefully has fewer children. Since Jobe (who was at the coffee shop during the sermon that foretold that every adult was to be killed) and Sarah (who was home in bed with a fever drawing precognitive images) didn't witness the occasion when He Who Walks Behind the Rows made himself known, they, therefore, have no violent tendencies and are seemingly the only children left, Burt and Vicky decide to take them along when escaping the town. We never learn what happened to all the other children, but Sarah and Jobe are somewhat adopted by Burt and Vicky. The End.

      I've had to leave many interesting topics and situations out, which are very intricate to the film's many facets and subplots, but I can only divulge so much information, making it possible to keep some surprises when/if you ever get to view this masterpiece. I must mention though that a few things did differ between the short story and the film adaptation. The short story follows the same basic structure as the beginning of the movie but doesn't have such a happy ending. In the short story, Vicky is crucified and has her eyes cut out and Burt is sliced to ribbons by the children shortly after he figures out what has happened with the boy preacher and the blood sacrifices, and suffers a Vietnam flashback experience making him easily caught and then both Burt and Vicky are presented as offerings to the God of Hell. The children then continue to inhabit the town and surrounding cornfield awaiting the next set of outlanders that will be offered to the devil as bloody sacrifices.  Stephen King REALLY did not like the change in his original storyline and has since denounced the film entirely.  He seemed to hate it mostly because it had a happy ending (of sorts), even though it's widely seen as one of the best adaptations of one of his stories. A remake was made many years later that kept to the original story, but it was universally hated by pretty much everyone.  It had truly terrible acting on the part of the children and listening to them recite their lines with such a wooden presentation made the film practically unwatchable. The actors who played Burt and Vicky weren't bad but they bicker endlessly which gets old really fast, even though that's how they really were in the original short story.  I think by then the audiences were so used to the movie where Burt and Vicky resolve any differences they may have had in order to survive a terrifying ordeal by working together, just turned people off entirely.  I have to mention that in between the original movie and the remake, there exists I think at least 8-10 sequels, each one more horrible than the previous one.  But the original will always stand out as a landmark film in how religion can be used to create a very disturbing scenario and the atmosphere of this film is so ominous that you really absorb the emotions of the characters and the dread they feel when the coming of the devil is at hand, brought forth by the hands of children.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Street Trash

     This gory little 80's flick has finally gained some notoriety as a cult classic, primarily due to a recent DVD release making it much more accessible. 

      It's a simple story really, mostly made to show off some new, impressive, and downright gruesome special effects by a production company known for its NOT so impressive special effects. The basic storyline is this: A liquor store owner finds a case of some kind of weird booze called Viper that seems to have been hidden in the wall of the basement of the liquor store some 60 years ago. He plops the case of Viper on the shelf and sells it for a dollar a bottle, thus attracting every homeless bum and wino in the neighborhood. 

     It loosely follows the life of Fred, a dirty, nasty, stinky bum who other than possessing those delicious qualities is actually a pretty decent guy. Much like most homeless people actually. Fred lives in a junkyard with his kid brother. The junkyard is ruled by some homeless freak named Bronson, who thinks he's some kind of garbage overlord who holds power over all the other bums in the junkyard. In reality, he's a brutish, sociopathic, schizophrenic, lunatic that thinks he's still in Vietnam. 

      Anyway, Fred buys a bottle of Viper and before he can drink it, it gets stolen by another bum. The other bum drinks the Viper and melts into a psychedelic pile of goo. It's pretty gory, yet has an air of silliness to it because it isn't just blood and guts. It's bright blue, green, and purple... a complete acid head's dream come true. Throughout the movie, poor Fred keeps trying to get a bottle of Viper for himself without it getting stolen. Fortunately for him, he notices that all the people who have drunk the Viper turn into slimy rainbow-colored puddles. 

      He hatches a plan to kill Bronson the evil junkyard overlord by offering him a bottle of Viper as an offering. Bronson's bitch grabs it from him and takes a sip and soon her boobs are melting all over the place. Bronson obviously sees the plot against him and goes after Fred. Fred throws a bottle of Viper at Bronson like some kind of Molotov cocktail and melts half his face. Still undaunted, Bronson pursues, only to be severely decapitated by Fred's younger brother who uses an oxygen tank as a torpedo-like projectile. 

      There are numerous subplots going on as well that are useless to the main story and also have no relevance or even any interaction between themselves. Among them are a mafia restaurant, a game of "keep away" with a severed penis, the hard-up junkyard manager fucks a body that washes ashore, and a cop who gets absolutely nowhere with his investigations into the deaths of random homeless people. 

      It ain't the best effort I've ever seen and regardless of the events described, the story is actually quite dull. But it's worth watching at least once for the special effects which are a delightful combination of gore and comedy. 

      A funny side note to this movie is that it actually tried to achieve some product endorsements and the only company that would have anything to do with this production was a little franchise called Drake's Cakes. Because of its endorsements and affiliations with the film, Drake's Cakes would send complimentary snacks to the cast and crew every week. After three months, everyone was really burned out on eating nothing but cakes so they decided to save some money and use the cakes in some of the special effects. In one scene, a man grows large and explodes after drinking the Viper and all of his innards are nothing but leftover cakes and red food coloring.  Pretty smart use of whatever was on hand for the purpose of achieving special effects, but honestly, I'm not sure I could ever get tired of eating cake.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

The Satanic Rites of Dracula

     This cheesy 70's throwaway isn't really that great of a movie (and that means a lot coming from a cult classic fan like me, who thrives on crap), but still manages to hold up over time. Mostly because of the minor details, such as the title which makes the movie sound as though it could potentially be scary... Vampires and Satanism. 

      It has veteran horror actors such as Peter Cushing as Van Helsing, the heir to the family that has destroyed Dracula what seems like numerous times by now, depending on how many sequels you've seen. Christopher Lee reprises one of his more famous roles as the very non-threatening version of Dracula. We also get to see Joanna Lumley as Jessica Van Helsing, the great-great-granddaughter, in one of her first movie roles (The world mostly knows Joanna Lumley as Patsy Stone on the super successful British comedy "Absolutely Fabulous") 

      Instead of a big spooky castle, this film mostly takes place in a house with an office setting. Desks, phones, chairs, secretaries... like it's cheap CIA headquarters or something. The "office house" is suspected to be a secret center for espionage, but instead, there is something a bit more sinister at work. Satanic rituals are taking place in the basement. Evidently, a satanic date of world destruction is only a few days away and there's work to be done in order to carry out the prophecies of Satan.  Among the guests at the ritual are many well-known, well-respected individuals, a Nobel prize-winning doctor, a senator, and a strange Chinese woman presiding over the ritual, sacrificing chickens and the occasional small-breasted virgin. 

      Van Helsing pays a visit to his old friend Dr. Kelley (the Satanic doctor) and soon learns that he's been up to no good. He's perfected a devastatingly strong form of bubonic plague (obviously eluding to the source of the world destruction to come according to Satan's prophecies and is to be carried out by his stupid followers). During the visit, Van Helsing is non-fatally shot and the doctor has been killed, hung by his neck from the ceiling rafters. Also, the Petri dishes of disease the doctor was working on have been stolen. There are four regular attendees at this satanic ritual and are regarded by Dracula as the four horsemen of the apocalypse. Apparently, Dracula is still pissed off about what the Van Helsing family has done to him over the years, so he decides that not only will he kill Van Helsing but he's gonna take the whole damn world along with him. Dracula also sees the destruction of the human race to be his own grand suicide to finally escape the wrath of the Van Helsing family (and living a rather laborious existence)... you kill the world, who've you got left to feed on? Taking the human race down with him gives him that last piece of satisfaction, delightful revenge, and a last act of power over all that is evil. 

      The ending is rather simple and boring. Since it was obviously one of Dracula's henchmen (a motorcycling crew of guys in fur vests) that stole the virus, Dracula now holds the power and chooses his four favorite followers to be the spreaders of the plague. Jessica Van Helsing is chosen to be his consort (why he would need one with the end of the world only days away is anyone's guess). She escapes and makes it to the basement where a minion of female vamps accosts her. She kills them by turning on the sprinklers, thus melting them (I thought that only happened to wicked witches). Another odd side note is that Van Helsing is creating a silver bullet to kill Dracula this time (I thought that was for werewolves). Obviously, he got his horror characters confused, therefore Van Helsing's silver bullet doesn't do anything to Dracula. Instead, he burns the house down, effectively killing off the Petri dishes of disease and all of Dracula's disciples. 

      While chasing Van Helsing through the woods, Dracula gets tangled in a thorn bush. This scene is totally hilarious, you'd think that someone who's lived as long as Dracula would be able to avoid such a dumb mistake. While hopelessly caught in the bramble's grasp, Van Helsing uses this opportunity to grab a stake from a nearby wooden fence and stab Dracula in the heart... again. I'll be honest, the plot idea had potential but the execution of it really sucks. This is about the blandest, most boring, completely predictable piece of shit that I've seen in a while. Proving, if anything, that even when you have well-established actors in the type of roles that they are very familiar with, it still won't earn any Oscars, or even make for a decently watchable movie.