Saturday, November 24, 2007

Motel Hell


This campy little classic has grown in cult status over the years. At first it was hard to find but eventually a DVD of it came out both on it's own and as a double feature, coupled with the film about Ed Gein "Deranged". It stars an ancient Rory Calhoun as Farmer Vincent, who along with his sister Ida (Nancy Parsons, most known for her role as the bitchy Coach Balbricker from Porky's) run the famous (at least locally) Farmer Vincent's Smoked Meats, the tastiest barbecue and beef jerky in the south. Vincent has all sorts of booby traps that he uses to ensnare hapless victims who are then buried up to their neck in a sort of human garden, have their vocal chords severed so they can't scream (just gurgle a lot) and are kept there with bags over their heads until they are "ripe form the picking". He then cleans them, smokes them and sells them to the greater southern populace who love his meats and keep coming back for more. His philosophy, "Meat is Meat and Man's Gotta Eat". Eventually, Vincent traps a couple on a motorcycle, plants the boyfriend in the "garden", tells the girlfriend that he died and since the girlfriend is pretty, Vincent decides to keep her, (not exactly sure why) he treats the girl more like a lost puppy than a scared young woman. Vincent's brother (conveniently the sheriff, and one of the biggest cannibals in the whole county) falls for the newcomer, but to much amazement, she decides that she wants to marry Vincent (what could a pretty young blonde in her 20's possibly want with Rory Cahoun?) Anyway, eventually she learns the secret of Vincent's marvelous meats, appropriately disagrees and is put on some type of meat slicing machine alive, all the while Vincent and little brother sheriff have a chainsaw duel (Vincent wears a pigs head, really creepy), just to have the damsel in distress to be saved by the lovelorn sheriff at the last moment. As for Ida... well, one of the "garden people" gets loose, releases all the others and together (massively gurgling the whole way) hunt Ida down and bury her in the garden... upside down. It's funny, at the end of the movie there's what appears to be a poignant moment when Vincent is dying and explaining his horrible actions to his brother. His horrible action... he used preservatives.

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