Saturday, March 15, 2008

Meet the Feebles!

     Y'know, when I think of Peter Jackson, I think of a filthy rich multiple Oscar-winning director. Professional in every sense of the word. But few people know that before Lord of the Rings, Peter Jackson had a taste (Bad Taste, I should say. Forgive the pun) for gore and perversion. Even Meet the Feebles, a movie with a cast made entirely of puppets was perverted and gory. Needless to say, this is a very strange film and Jackson must've been high as a kite to come up with this shit. 

      Meet the Feebles is a hodgepodge of bizarre occurrences and situations surrounding a puppet-based variety show called "The Feebles". It truly does have way too many plots to keep up with, but it really doesn't matter because it's more the characters themselves that make the film. 

      The bare bones of the story are this... Heidi the Hippo is married to Beltch the Walrus. She catches him screwing Samantha the Cat. Beltch humiliates Heidi and then fires her. She freaks and goes on a shooting spree killing pretty much everybody. Along the way, while following Heidi's downfall into food addiction, suicidal tendencies, and complete and total madness (Gee, I bet she would get along great with Britney Spears circa 2007) we witness the following, note the ironies between the character and the animal that's chosen to represent them: 

     A gossip columnist fly that loves to take pictures of people at their worst. A perverted and rude rat that runs the show and date rapes a poodle. A drunk elephant is slapped with a paternity suit by his ex-girlfriend... a chicken. She has just given birth to a bunch of "elephickens". Beltch the Walrus pukes up a fish that he ate earlier while it was auditioning for the show (the fish then asks if he got the part and then keels over). A warthog and a bulldog supply everyone with cocaine. An over-sexed rabbit catches AIDS and slowly gets grosser and grosser throughout the movie. There's a porno sex scene between a cow (who has multiple piercings on her udders) and an insect. Cow accidentally sits on the insect-killing him, she and the porno director plan to sell it as a snuff film. A knife-throwing crocodile suffers drug withdrawal and kills everyone that dares to get on the spinning wheel. Eventually, he throws a knife into the air and catches it with his forehead. AIDS rabbit is determined to be on stage despite his illness. He shows up all green and slimy, then pukes all over the stage. 

      This movie is very much like Muppets on Crack. It's bawdy, it's disgusting, it's tasteless, it's gross... therefore I totally loved it. Although, during the hippo shooting spree I was quite alarmed to find out that puppets had blood and guts. I guess all those cotton stuffed animals I got as a child were just fake knock-offs... thanks for nothin' mom!!!

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