Sunday, December 9, 2007


May is a pathetically lonely person who's only friend is a doll named "Suzie" that is special and isn't supposed to be taken out of her glass display case (gee, what fun). She also has a lazy eye and has to wear an eye patch to school, ensuring that she will have no friends. May grows up, but still has no friends (except Suzie, whom she talks to all the time). Tired of being alone, she seeks love and friendship. So one day she spots Adam, specifically his hands for which she has an unnatural liking for. They have a date or two until he discovers just how weird she is. She stalks him for a while, until overhearing Adam tell a friend how he successfully dumped "that nutcase". Distraught over Adam, May takes interest in Polly, a coworker of May's (her neck fascinates May) at the veterinarian hospital that has been hinting that she likes May for some time now. Polly seems sincere about having a relationship with May... that is until Ambrosia (Betty Grable on steroids) comes along and soon Polly's interest in May simmers down. Every time something goes sour in May's life, we hear the cracking of Suzie's glass case in the background, symbolically representing the cracking of May's sanity.. Hurt for the second time now, she desperately craves love, so she volunteers at a daycare for blind kids. This works out fine until May brings Suzie to the daycare for show and tell. An accident happens and the glass case gets broken and every child in the place gets shredded with broken glass (remember, they're blind kids, they see and discover through touching), thus ending her new hobby as a care giver. After some time, she's sitting on a city bench when some punk named Zero drops in. As oppose to his punk appearance, he's an overly polite nice guy. May is again searching for that one person that won't screw her over and will be her friend. Unfortunately, May had killed her cat a few days prior and stuffed it in the freezer, so when Zero goes looking for ice cubes, he gets a surprise. He calls May a freak and says that he'd never be her friend. This is the last straw and May snaps. She kills Zero by stabbing him in the head with scissors (something I've wanted to do to George Bush for a long time now). May finally catches on to the phrase "If you can't find a friend... make one." She decides that she needs more parts, so on Halloween she dresses up like Suzie and armed with scalpels and a beer cooler, sets out to collect all the parts she needs to make her "new friend". She collects Adam's hands, Polly's neck, and Ambrosia's legs. Nobody notices anything peculiar since it's Halloween. Once home, May sets to work "making" her new friend (May has a knack for sewing). With all the right parts, May now has the perfect friend. One thing is wrong though. May's new friend has a fabric head (I guess May never liked anyone's head enough to use it) and cannot see May. She tries putting her glasses on it to no avail. It appears that one last sacrifice can bring life to May's perfect friend. She gouges out her good eye and puts it on the "quilted cadaver". Then... the arm moves slowly up to May's crying face and strokes her hair, comforting her. Creepy to say the least. I suppose the installment of life to the "friend" is symbolic of May going right off the deep end, with this final comfort from the new friend she just made. This is probably one of the newest films to be awarded a cult status. Released in 2002, it was slow to catch on but it has gained a huge cult following in a pretty short period of time. One of my all-time favorites.

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