Seytan

     So, here's the thing... I actually did not know that Turkey had a habit in the '70s and '80s of completely remaking American movies because it was cheaper than getting a print shipped over from the United States.  That's just not something I ever thought would be that big of a problem, at least not so much that you'd have to completely remake the entire movie shot for shot, with all new sets, actors, and "special effects".  Nevertheless, that's what they did, and it was also apparently an easy way to culturally appropriate motion pictures for the Turkish People so that subtitles wouldn't always be such a bother and so that they could have a slice of cinema that they could call "theirs", even though it was a blatantly obvious plagiarism at its very worst.  This was done with tons of American movies, including Superman, Jaws, Indiana Jones, Star Wars, Rambo, etc.  And being the huge success that it was, The Exorcist fell into the category of movies that simply must be remade into a cheap ripoff and shown in every theater in Istanbul.  They renamed it Seytan, which means "devil" in Turkish.

     Now, one would think the first question that arises would be "How can a cinematic masterpiece like The Exorcist be completely remade"?  Well, remakes happen all the time, and although it hasn't been officially remade...yet, The Exorcist definitely has more than its share of sequels and ripoffs.  The biggest ripoff of The Exorcist that I've seen to date has got to be the movie Abby, a blaxploitation film made in 1974, the same year that Seytan was made.  The Exorcist came out in 1973, so these people wasted no time cashing in.  And though it's a very obvious remake of The Exorcist, only with Black people, Abby still has a sense of originality to it that Seytan has absolutely none of.  While the demon in Abby got changed to a jive-talking sex demon and the exorcism took place in a discotheque, in Seytan truly nothing was changed.  The priest was changed to a doctor but that was only the cultural appropriation at work.  The Catholic overtones had to be changed to Islam in order for the storyline to be relevant I guess.  Some of the more graphic elements in The Exorcist were tamed down and the language was a little less harsh, but I really think that was because it was just too embarrassing for the actors to recreate.  How Linda Blair did it in the first place was a miracle in itself.  

     Even though it sounds like a boring endeavor with an equally boring product, and trust me, in many ways it is, it still has a cult following because of the sheer oddity of it.  A curiosity piece that still has to be seen to be believed.  The "special effects" that are recreated are a special treat.  The head spinning scene was among my favorites.  The vomit still looks like pea soup but has a tinge of blue to it.  And the scene where Gul (simply Turkish for "girl") takes a leak at the top of the stairs had me in stitches because the little girls' legs were so hairy that I really thought it was part of the special effects, even though it wasn't.  As of now, Seytan can be found on YouTube, but finding a version with English subtitles is rare.  A copy was released on DVD in 2007 with English subtitles, but the quality of the print is downright deplorable.  An English dubbed version exists but given the language that exists in the original, repeating toned-down versions of it just adds to the lunacy of what's being seen.  

     Much like when Abby was released, when William Friedkin found out that his movie had been remade/ripped off AGAIN, he wasn't happy, but like all things, a bell can't be unrung.  Once a movie is made, it's gonna get out there, no matter who you have to sue to try and stop it.  And now we can find it on free platforms to enjoy making fun of at our leisure.  Honestly, if you've already seen The Exorcist though, you don't even need the subtitles, you already know exactly what's going on and will find every single scene completely foreign yet strangely it's exactly the same.

     

     I'd heard about this quirky little gem when searching for mockumentaries, and even though it was a bit hard to locate, it didn't disappoint.  I always love a good backstory and this one has it in spades.  It was meant to be just a bit of Halloween fun by the BBC, but it ultimately turned out to be a complete disaster.  It caused quite a commotion when it was shown and as a result, the BBC hasn't aired it since.  You see, even though it had all the hallmarks of a mockumentary and even had a disclaimer at the beginning letting everyone know that it was faked for entertainment purposes, a lot of people took it seriously and were subsequently traumatized by thinking that it was real and there were even a few fatalities involved.  Apparently, most people tuned in a few seconds too late and missed the disclaimer, therefore believing that what they were viewing was the real thing.  Having well-known BBC personalities starring in it made the film all the more believable and realistic, and being billed as a "live broadcast" it had audiences convinced that what they were viewing was happening in real-time, even having a working phone number that you could call into, therefore adding about as much realism that the BBC could come up with.

     The story is pretty basic actually.  Just what you might expect from a ghost mockumentary.  For those of you familiar with the Enfield Poltergeist Haunting, you'll definitely see some major similarities and Ghostwatch was surely inspired by the case.  A family consisting of a single mother and two young daughters are being tormented by a ghost they call "Mr. Pipes", a name given to the ghost because it makes noises like the clanking of old pipes.  The family has also claimed that the previous owner died by suicide in the home and whose corpse was soon eaten by his own cats.  They claim that the bulk of the haunting seems to reside in the basement, said place of the previous owners' death and where he became Fluffy's dinner when the vittle tin went dry.  Amazingly, this area becomes known as the "glory hole".  No really, that's what they actually call it.  Some other creepy stuff went down in the area too, something about a cult nearby, some unsolved murders, and I think even a baby farm.

     The case has already gained much media attention and a TV station has decided that it would be a great idea to do a live broadcast of a ghost-hunting exhibition at the home on Halloween night.  Showcasing all the cool equipment they have with infrared cameras and microphones that can catch the faintest of ghostly whispers, etc.  The reporters are so sweetly innocent that you find yourself really wanting them to experience something terrifying that'll scar them for the rest of their lives and destroy their TV careers forever.  Or is that just me?  The main hosts of the show who are keeping tabs on everything from back at the station studio and a few of the reporters were well-known TV personalities, lending quite a bit of credence to the reality of this being an actual live broadcast.  

      In the studio along with the show's host is a paranormal investigator who gives us the lowdown on hauntings, poltergeists, and supernatural phenomena.  She displays broken crockery that has shattered under extreme temperature change which apparently can only be done by a ghost and some other video tidbits proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that ghosts are a reality.  And though presented with basic debunking facts, she insists that spectral apparitions are common and that the haunting being investigated by the TV station is real and will be proven so by this presentation.  

     The ghost watch starts off pretty tame with only a bump or clang here and there that is soon discovered to be something simple and harmless, but soon weird things begin to happen.  A mysterious wet spot appears on the ceiling, the TV becomes staticky, and one of the girls starts behaving strangely.  The TV crew is guided through the house and told gruesome stories about the history of the property when a loud clanging can be heard.  Upon looking for the source of the sound though, it's discovered that one of the young girls is doing it on purpose and faking the ghost sounds, throwing the credibility of the whole haunting into question.  But just when everyone is about to give up on the whole thing and all look pretty embarrassed, the oldest daughter ends up with mysterious cuts all over her face and has become almost catatonic.  The enraged mother declares that this couldn't possibly be faked and that the haunting is real.  With new evidence to support the case, the ghost watch continues and more unexplained creepy things begin to happen, each more inexplicable than the last, when finally in the midst of utter chaos, the studio loses contact with the crew at the house.  

     The situation back at the studio is becoming crazy too, with poltergeist activity occurring there as well.  The paranormal investigator that has been co-hosting the show tells us that by having viewers call in and share their ghost stories they have formed a sort of huge televised seance where ghosts can now travel into the studio and possibly into the viewers' own homes through their TVs.  Cameras at the station have begun to flicker, papers are flying around, and the main host appears to be just wandering around and possibly possessed.  All of this is presented in a pretty realistic way and I can see how this would look convincing to someone who didn't catch the disclaimer at the beginning of the show that lets you know that this is most definitely for entertainment purposes only.

     Anyway, the show was a hit, only not exactly as planned, or maybe too well planned depending on how you look at it.  You see, the general audience can be quite gullible, and the people who freaked out over the War of the Worlds broadcast still exist, and pretty much the same thing happened here.  Having actual well-known television personalities involved in the plot lent a huge amount of credibility to the broadcast and I'm sure that being shown on Halloween night added to the anxiety people already feel when just a little bit spooked.  And a great many people in the audience thought it was all real.  There was an actual call line that went with the show where people could share their own personal ghost stories, but instead, the line was bombarded with calls from people wanting to know if this was really happening or not.  So much so that the line got clogged with callers and most people were redirected to a busy signal, adding to the panic already beginning to occur.

     A public admission of the show's inauthenticity and an apology by the network couldn't contain the damage already done.  Audience members lost their minds in the typical fashion and thought every pipe clank or board creak was a ghost, a poltergeist, a demon, or basically the devil himself.  People sued for developing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and there was even a suicide.  A teenage boy suffering from mental health problems apparently seemed to prefer the idea of being a ghost himself and took his life citing Ghostwatch as the inspiration for his undertaking.  The BBC has obviously never aired the broadcast again and doesn't even like to talk about it, considering it a true embarrassment.  A documentary called Ghostwatch: Behind the Curtains was produced in 2012 and chronicles the making of Ghostwatch and the subsequent public reaction that followed.  After watching so many found footage films that were done well and were quite believable due to clever advertising like The Blair Witch Project, it's hard to be impressed by one, but a film like Ghostwatch is actually better if you know the trivia behind the film before watching.  When you know that it caused such a crazy reaction from such a huge amount of the viewing audience and that there were lawsuits and actual deaths involved, the movie itself carries a lot more gravity.