Sunday, October 28, 2007

Deranged



This is a creepy little flick is about a creepy little guy named Ezra Cobb. This was the first and most accurate telling of the Ed Gein story. A story that would go on to inspire many other popular movies like Silence of the Lambs, Psycho and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Ezra Cobb (Ed Gein) is a hopeless mama's boy that caters to his mothers every need, but when she dies Ezra just can't control his grieving and soon falls into insanity. Unable to cope with the seperation from his mother, he decides that it's high time he went and got her from that nasty old cemetary and brought her home. Unfortunately Mama Cobb doesn't look so great (being dead for almost a year can do that to you). Ezra becomes a regular at the cemetary, collecting body parts from other corpses to help restore his mother. Eventually he starts bringing whole corpses home to keep mom company. He also has become quite a ghoulish artist, hanging faces on the wall and keeping skin from his victims to make a woman suit (Ed also had gender issues). He made bowls from skulls, lamps made with a spinal column and lampshades made from skin. He eventually turns his interests toward live women (I guess he got tired of the smell) and when people start to go missing, nobody even thinks of Ezra Cobb, who is by all accounts considered a nice guy. The police soon link him to one of the murders and when they come to his house to check things out, they find a woman in his barn... decapitated, gutted and hung upside down like a deer. It turns out that sweet Ezra has been very naughty. Even though this movie is very gross and disturbing, it doesn't even compare to the real events that occured in Plainfsield Wisconsin.

Tetsuo: The Iron Man


This particular art film has an incredible idea. It's in Japanese (hopefully with subtitles) and is very cleverly edited. This movie jumps around in time and the plot isn't shot in order. There's a lot of fast forward video and stop motion animation with what looks like several different types of mediums (people, wires, coils, and lots and lots of tin foil). The basic story (as best I can make out) revolves around two men. One is a cleancut business man and the other is a professional runner. The runner has inserted a rusty pipe into his leg, a reason is not given. Anyway, the runner screams in pain and runs into the street where he is hit by a car driven by the business man. Business man and his girlfriend dump their automotive victim into a nearby ditch and proceed to make love while the dying runner lies in the ditch watching them. Business man begins to have real troubles though when a transister looking zit appears on his face due to a small cut from a clean new razor. When touched, it pops and gets worse. He begins to change. He begins to develop a metal rash that is spreading over his body and he's become strangely magnetic. Meanwhile, the runner is morphing into a supernatural being bent on destroying Mr. Business man. It becomes a strange game of good vs. evil. Clean metal good, rusty metal bad. Eventually since neither one can manage to win, they decide to unite and turn the entire world into metal... then rust it all just for the hell of it. A truly fascinating movie to watch.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Death Bed: The Bed That Eats!!!!


This is a very strange art film that was made but never really released. It floated from one dusty shelf to another for about thirty years until it was finally dusted off and released on low budget DVD. Apparently, during those thirty years, only a handful of people got to see it, but that was enough to generate a buzz about it's existence and a copy was finally located and released. The story is simple yet effective. Various people happen upon an old house with a mysterious basement room containing a large four poster bed and an odd painting hung on the wall. Anything edible that comes in contact with the bed, gets eaten, leaving chicken bones and empty wine bottles amongst the sheets. As people go to lie on this bed, they also begin to disappear. The actual digestion of whatever it eats is shown in a hilarious way and with side splitting sound effects (it sounds like crunching on raw carrots). Slowly we learn that the artist of the painting on the wall, is actually still stuck behind the painting, watching helplessly as the bed chomps down on anything and everything. A guy gets his hands eaten off when he sticks them under the sheets, but for some reason is perfectly calm with no pain and an "oh well" kind of attitude. A treasure of a movie, that successfully rides the fence between horror and comedy. A must see for any cult fan.

Plan 9 from Outer Space


Plan 9 from Outer Space is ironically considered to be Ed Wood's greatest cinematic acheivement, while at the same time it has outright won the award for the worst movie ever made. Filmed with more goofs than one can count, it never ceases to make me laugh out loud. In addition to the cardboard tombstones that occasionally tip over and the rapid incontinuity that results from the scene changing back and forth from day and night like 6 times in a two minute span. Eddie wasn't interested in the "small details", only the big picture. This thinking led him to make some pretty cheesy flicks, to say the least. Ed Wood as usual would gather up all his friends and set out to make a really bad movie. Plan 9 is an alien (who look exactly like humans, even down to the current hairstyles of the time) plot to take over the world by reanimating the recently dead. They succeed somewhat, by raising only three "zombies". These consist of an old man (half played posthumously by Bela Lugosi using Eds home movies and half played by Eds chiropractor who kept his face hidden with his Dracula cape so that no one would notice that they were two different people) his wife (played by the recently unemployed Vampira) and a 500 lb cop (played by Tor Johnson, the gentle giant wrestler turned B-movie actor). Cheap sets, wooden dialogue, flying saucers that look mysteriously like paper plates painted silver (which wobble uncontrollably throughout the movie) and the most stock footage that Ed could get his hands on (and Ed sure did love his precious stock footage). All this amounted to an amazing cinematic experience (well, at least in Ed Woods mind).

Friday, October 26, 2007

Frankenhooker


This twisted tale of sluts and bolts begins when Jeffery Franken's girlfriend Elizabeth gets run over by a runaway lawnmower. Left with only a few pieces of his dismembered fiance, Jeffery tries to figure out how to put her back together again. Since there is very little left of his beloved, he decides that he needs some fresh parts to make her whole. So Jeffrey takes to the streets of New York looking for prostitutes. Since all these prostitutes care about is crack, he sets out to make a lethal form of supercrack to kill the prostitute with the best parts. Unfortunately, the supercrack makes all the hookers explode into bits and pieces. Now that Jeffrey has all the parts he could possibly want, he sets out to restore Elizabeth. He patches her up and loads her on a table and raises the table to the sky to attract lightening, Frankenstein style. The experiment is a success, Elizabeth is alive, the only hitch (aside from looking like a patchwork quilt) is that she now thinks she's a hooker. Makes sense since she's now 89% prostitute. Jeffrey tries to track his girlfriend down in different seedy motels, all the while Elizabeth is literally shocking johns left and right. Not to mention the very pissed off pimp named Zorro that tracks her down, since most of her is considered his property. This is a hilarious movie with loads of quirk Oh yeah, and almost everything in this movie is purple, not sure why.

The Gruesome Twosome



This film by Herscell Gordon Lewis (of the famed Blood Trilogy) is by far one of his weirdest movies. And that's really something when you're talking about the kind of movies he made. You see, H.G. Lewis mostly made disgusting gore movies, the first of their kind actually. Nobody seemed to notice the extremely bad acting, or the bad sound, or the bad sets, or the bad continuity, etc. All we cared about was that it was a new and ironically fun genre. In this particular farce, there is a sweet but odd (she constantly talks to a stuffed cat named Napoleon) old lady that has a wig shop near a college campus. She also has a room for rent that mysteriously stays vacant even when many young ladies come to inquire about the room. Coincidentally, the girls that come to rent the room are never heard from again, but their stylish haidos are being seen worn by the coolest cats on campus. It seems the old lady has a retarded grandson named Rodney that actually does the scalping. Half comedy and half gore. Not horror, gore. There's a difference. Horror makes you scared and gore usually makes you laugh. Anyway it made me laugh, and that's the important thing. This movie has the strangest intro of any movie I've ever seen in my life, and I've seen a heck of lot of movies, man. Has to be seen to believed!

Eraserhead



One of the best known cult films in cinematic history is Eraserhead. This was the first full length feature by the king of "hard to figure out" movies, David Lynch. This movie has way more symbolism than most people can handle and the true plot has been widely discussed for years due to the fact that Mr. Lynch has decided to take its true meaning to his grave. He just calmly states that even he doesn't remember what it's truly about. Henry lives an extraordinarily dismal life and there's pure desolation everywhere. He gets a message one day from a recently departed girlfriend that she and Henry now have a baby. Henry is forced to wed Mary by her parents. Oh yeah, there's a hitch to it alright. The baby is badly deformed and looks more like an overgrown sperm cell. Gee, no apparant symbolism there. Anyway, the girlfriend splits and dumps Henry with the baby who then gets very sick. As Henry nurses this sick sperm cell, he has visions of a weird chick in a radiator and his head being used to make pencil erasers. Personally, my take on it... (silence please) I think Henry has a brain tumor, losing his memory and is dying. The desolation, holes in the roof, the title (duh), and a woman with bloated cheeks sings about how great Heaven is. Go figure. A very dark and moody movie that can be endlessly speculated about. A classic.

Chastity


This is the movie that Cher never wanted anyone to see. Unfortunately for her (but fortunately for us) Sonny owned the rights to the movie, not Cher. So when Sonny died, his heirs decided to make some money by releasing it on DVD. Prior to DVD release, this was one heck of a movie to find, due to the fact that Cher physically set out to destroy all copies because she was so embarrassed of it. Cher plays Chastity, a wild child runaway who hitch hikes her way across America. With absolutely no direction at all, she floats from finding a nice guy that can accept her obknoxiousness to a lesbian affair with the madam of a brothel in Mexico. Chastity very boringly narrates her ventures in a very unnescessary way, flips out for no reason... and goes to church. Much like the Beatles and the Who, Sonny and Cher figured they could make a movie too. But a very square duo attempting to make an edgy film does not a classic make. It failed miserably and cost them their dignity... and all their furniture. Cher also got pregnant during the making of this movie, hence their first childs name. It has a very clever tagline... Chastity, she's not just a girl, she's an experience.

Pink Flamingos



From John Waters, the king of trash, comes Pink Flamingos. The story of the notorious Divine, the filthiest person alive and proud of it. Because of her criminal lifestyle, Divine has been forced to go underground and adapt the alias of Babs Johnson. Connie and Raymond Marble are "two jealous perverts" who loathe Divine and are bent on destroying her reputation and stealing her title as the filthiest people alive. The Marbles run an illegal baby ring where female hitchhikers are thrown in a dungeon, impregnated and the babies sold to lesbian couples. They also fuel money to a gang of heroin pushers in the local elementary school. All this combined cannot top the notorious beauty Divine, who along with her travelling companion Miss Cotton, her mentally ill mother Miss Edie and her delinquent son Crackers overthrow the Marbles and reclaim their position as the filthiest people in the world. Stay tuned when the movie comes to a close because Divine has a little something extra to show us. For not only is she the filtiest person alive, she is also the filthiest actress alive. She proves this by gagging on some freshly squeezed dog doo. An ending that could make anyone gag. It's great!

Reefer Madness



This movie was filmed with the most honest on intentions trying to discourage people from the evils of marijuana, but instead it ended up entertaining pot smokers rather than preventing them. The acting is deporable to say the least. Originally titled "Tell Your Children!", it is presented as part documentary and part movie to explain the absolute horrors of the demon weed. According to the narrator, it's compared to and considered worse than Morphine, Cocaine and Heroin combined. The movie is a dim plot consisting mainly of dim people who peddle pot to teenagers, resulting in crime, murder and sheer and utter Madness!! Originally in black and white, it has recently been colorized by Off Color Films, who cleverly made the smoke come out in multiple colors.

Forbidden Zone


Forbidden Zone is the hilarious brainchild of Danny Elfmans older less popular brother. Starring Danny himself as Satan (no leap of imagination there). Danny Elfmans early career with Oingo Boingo conveniently leant the soundtrack for the movie, and what a soundtrack it is!!! Being that's it's a comedic musical drenched with Yiddish humor just makes it that more hilarious. Frenchy (a foreign exchange student, maybe?) is sucked down a hole in her families basement and ends up in the Sixth Dimension Ruled by the evil Queen Doris and her perverted staff of dancing frogs and the weirder than weird performers known only as the Kipper Kids (one of whom is actually married to Bette Midler). Lucky for Frenchy, King Fausto of the sixth dimension (Herve Villachaiz, "de plane, de plane!") is falling for the young french girl, much to the Queens dismay. Frenchy and the Queen duke it out for the coveted position of least hated among the inhabitants of the Sixth Dimension. With it's cheap sets and incredible overacting, this black and white yet colorful movie is a great find for any cult classics fan.

Liquid Sky


Liquid Sky is a colorful movie to say the least. Besides being shot in psychedeliscope, it also cashed in on the whole luridly multicolored non-gender specific 1980's. Margaret is a fashion model, she lives in a penthouse in Manhattan. She also lives with Adrian, her lesbian heroin pushing girlfriend. One day, an alien spacecraft the size of a dinner plate lands on the penthouse roof searching for heroin and finds something better. That something is a chemical reaction in the brain produced during orgasm. Unfortunately it kills it's victims when it shoots out of their heads in the form of glasslike arrows. It's chosen Margaret as it's tool to obtain this chemical, (well, one would naturally expect a sexy fashion model would have many orgasms, right?) Since everyone she has sex with dies she decides to have sex with her biggest fashion rival Jimmy, who seems oddly feminine (even for the eighties). This is probably because actress Anne Carlisle plays the roles of both Margaret and Jimmy. This film is so bizarrely colored that one must assume that it was meant to be watched on drugs. From the unbelievable makeup (even for the eighties, really!) to the rainbow vision that results from seeing things from the aliens perspective. Take more color than most televisions can handle and an electronic soundtrack that could literally drive someone insane and you get one of the most notorious movies of the whole cult film phenomena. In fact, the director Slava Tsukerman was reportedly exiled from Russia for making weird movies.

Nekromantik



Wow, what can one say about Nekromantik?  Being a cult movie master, I thought I had seen it all...  I was DEAD wrong. Nekromantic is a story about a little German guy with an unpronounceable name who has a job as part of a cleanup crew for grisly car accidents.  One day he happens upon a very very rotted corpse in a swamp and brings a piece of his job home to his necropheliac wife as a gift.  They proceed to have repeated intercourse with it until little german guy gets fired from his job and his wife decides that he can no longer provide her with fresh (or not so fresh) playthings, she decides that she can have a better life by running off with their "new friend".  Unable to cope with his wifes betrayal, he seeks his carnal pleasures among impatient but creative prostitutes, only to find that he cannot acheive any pleasure at all... at least with y'know, anything alive.  For a cheap foreign film, the acting is actually pretty good and the special effects are nothing less than disturbing.  For those who crave shock value, this is definately the movie for you.



Monday, October 1, 2007

The Cultarama Story

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